We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize