there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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