i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
