Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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