I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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