Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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