Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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