I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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