I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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