garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
