I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
