Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I had to cum in my sink.
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