exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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