Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
