i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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