even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i will never coherently bang her
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
