I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
