I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
