Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
