If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
