New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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