It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
