How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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