I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
