Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
