I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
