As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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