wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize