I think im going to throw up on grandma
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
