Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
