ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
