She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
