I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
