i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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