these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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