she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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