oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
