After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
