he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
