i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
