I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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