I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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