I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize