I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
