I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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