Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
