i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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