And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
