You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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