when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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