She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
