good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
