Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
