If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
