Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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