am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
