Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
