Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
