I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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