I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
