Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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