The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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