I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
