Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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