If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
