I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
