just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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