i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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