Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize