your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
